just being honest

Ok, so now that my summer class is over, I finally made it back to a WW meeting, and I have gained (a little more than I thought I had, unfortunately). But thank God for the meetings and I am determined to get back on track and still try to make my goal in 2008. I still have a few months left! I can do this!

Sometimes I think I am so lame. Why can't I keep a hold of this thing without the meetings? It's like some kind of a crutch. But you know what? The program works. My body revolts and my mind plays games with me, but the program works. I just have to be determined to stick with the program. And meetings are part of the program. Along with eating enough veggies, drinking enough water, being active, and a bunch of other things.

The front desk girl at the gym, every morning I go there, asks me "How ya doing today?" I sheepishly (half-awakishly) smile an say "Fine, thanks." as I proceed to the locker room. But to be perfectly honest, I would much rather say "Still tired and I'd rather be anywhere than here!" But it's just not right to be that annoyingly honest. I mean, she's just doing her job. And I'm sure she doesn't really care how I am. She just has her routine as she is checking people's memberships.

I just finished reading the book of 1 Samuel. Started 2 Samuel. Ok, I have a question: How could Samuel write a 2nd book, when he died in the 1st book?! Something's wrong here. Now, I'm not questioning whether the books of Samuel are God's Words, but who's idea was it to call them 1 & 2 Samuel? Especially 2 Samuel? Hmmm.

I am not good at being a friend or being friendly. I do not know why it is so hard for me. I recently did something, stepped waaay outside of my comfort zone, in the interest of being friendly to some people who I do not know. My comfort zone is to watch people from afar. But I prayed, asked God for the strength to step over closer to some people and talk to them -- and I did it. And even though nothing bad happened as a result, it was such a ridiculously stressful event for me, I couldn't sleep that night.

Honestly, I think there is something wrong with my brain. I really want to change, to learn how to be more friendly. I mean, it's not just about having friends, but this is how we show people Jesus -- by being friendly and talking to them. "Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God"? (chel's paraphrase) This requires talking to people. Or at least reciting Scripture. I think the Scripture might have more connection if we put it in conversational context. But then again, it's all in God's hands, it is His power that changes people.

Lord, I believe, but help my unbelief. Lord, I am willing, but help my unwillingness.

Anyway, these are some things I just needed to get off my chest.