kindness feels like sabotage

i am so frustrated. i have had a bad couple of weeks. i haven't had my head in the game of staying on program. i haven't been working out. but miracle of miracles, i woke up this morning at 5:30 and felt awake enough to go for a run, or at least a walk. it was a nice run-walk morning.

i was feeling so good this morning that i was inspired that i MUST get out my tracker and start tracking my points TODAY. no more procrastinating. no more wussing out because i'm tired or depressed or frustrated. today is the day to get with the program again.

then, i get to work, and my very nice new coworker was kind enough to pick up a starbucks mocha and a pumpkin scone for me. so nice. but so SO SO not what i needed today.

so what do you do? i can't be rude and throw it out when she's not looking (this is what WW would recommend. not always practical, those WW'ers.) i ended up eating probably more than half and disposed of the rest. the other frustration was that i never get the regular milk & whipped cream, so even the mocha was above and beyond my usual caloric intake. i did try to emphasize to her that this was really unnecessary. i think she's just trying to make friends.

so now i need to figure out the points for all this mess and see what i have left for dinner. i feel somewhat defeated. i was optimistic this morning, but now i'm losing my grip on it. many people think i'm very stoic and not emotional, but i truly am emotional (it must just be inside). and this pent-up stuff tends to influence my eating habits, even though it should not. i've been kind of depressed and frustrated with various life things lately. every once in a while it slides away and i feel better, but there's always something else that will bring me down shortly.  WW has not been helpful in figuring out how to handle "emotional eating" habits.

But, every day is a new day, a clean slate to start over.  Stop procrastinating and whining, and just do it.