There is a draft in this blog queue that I probably won't ever publish. It's from November 2019. I was having the same anxieties that holiday season as I have been having this holiday season. I really do, at times, feel desperate to change something -- either about my family, the holiday dynamics, or about myself so that I can cope better. So, when I saw a "Surviving the Holidays" support group listed locally, I decided to attend. A lot of the ideas we went over I didn't find very helpful. But I did learn some new terms and possible ways of diverting my body's anxiety to more productive thoughts.
One thing I learned was about the Logical Mind vs Emotional Mind. Perhaps there are more technical terms for this? But if your Emotional Mind is running away with stress or anxiety, something helpful is to start counting by 2s or 4s or reciting times tables... doing some sort of simple math to get you in your Logical Mind. I guess the idea is then you won't be reacting to circumstances emotionally, but can process them logically. If you get yourself to think logically, you can perhaps deal with your circumstances logically. I think the challenge will be to think of this tactic when I'm at my parents' house and the distressful conversations start.
Other "tools" include breathing (in for 4 counts, hold, out for 4 counts, hold, repeat) and body scan. I don't think I could do either of those things at the dinner table, but perhaps before or after. Or maybe I misunderstood the assignment. Anyway, it's also good to do self-care like making sure you get some exercise, drink your water, take your meds/vitimins, meditate, those kinds of things to keep yourself healthy.
But I do long for being able to get together with family without feeling anxiety and uncertainty. Why can't we just get along? I think everyone is on edge because of huge differences in our beliefs around religion and/or politics or in some cases who we are. And when you've grown up in a religious home in the US of A, everything in your life touches on religion and/or politics. It is very sad.
As tragic as it is that my husband had shoulder surgery right before Christmas, it is giving us kind of a reprieve. We will do what we can to join folks for holiday celebrations when he feels recovered enough for the travel and all that is required. I love hanging out at home with him, our peaceful home. So, for the next few days, I will be embracing this, here, now.
Gentleness. Peace. Security. Healing.
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