Finding Focus

Spring is here, and it is filling me with optimism and encouragement. I have been stressed for several months with our family situation, but I guess I'm slowly remembering to lean more on God than myself. Somehow I am feeling less stressed and more relaxed about everything. Pretty much everything.

The fall and winter were hard. I haven't exercised much (although I did renew my gym membership). I've been attending Weight Watchers meetings fairly regularly, but my head hasn't been in the game. I haven't made any progress -- in fact, I've gained some weight this winter, which is heartbreaking to me.

I worked so hard to lose weight. Over the course of about 8 months in 2004-2005, I lost 50 lbs. What an accomplishment! And how much better I feel! I never, ever want to go back to that place. However, since I got married, started taking birth control, and then this past fall developed a lot more stress in my life, the scale has slowly been creeping in the wrong direction. And other things were headed in the wrong direction as well. So frustrating. So hard to get out of the downward spiral.

But now, with the newness of spring and the renewing of my mind, I'm turning things around. I'm getting back into the routine of morning exercise, a run or the gym. I'm dedicating myself to proper WW tracking and eating healthier. I'm off the pill & all other meds, unless I get sick. I'm pressing onward with renewed zeal to the goal that is before me.

I ran this morning and it was so good. I did a 1.5 mile loop over to the U and back. I almost didn't get out of bed when the radio man said 18 degrees, yet I did it. 18 degrees wasn't too bad. I felt so invigorated, not even tired. I could have done another lap (maybe). I think this is partially due to the fact that I have been eating healthier, and on plan, for 3 days already. You need the right fuel if you want to run or do any activity.

Speaking of fuel, 3 days. And I haven't made the best choices, but I have written everything down. I get hungry, but I know that it isn't the end of the world. If I get enough rest & exercise, I can make better nutrition choices than when I am overtired and out of sorts. I'm not eating in the evening after my classes. I'm trying to remember that food is fuel. I'm trying to remember how much worse I felt when I was obese. Much worse than the discomfort of being a little hungry between meals.

Baby steps & building blocks. Slowly & surely I will make it to my goal. Lots of things can happen in the next 9 months, but without a plan I will surely fail. So, my plan is to work hard to make it to my weight goal. My plan is to follow WW and attend the meetings faithfully. My plan is to get back into running faithfully (and maybe train for the Utica Boilermaker? I keep thinking about this one. I'd really like to.). My goal is to keep my eyes on the Prince of Peace and not worry or stress about things I cannot change. My goal is to be healthy. My goal is to keep PCOS stuffed down in the corner, out of my way.

This is just one aspect of my life. I have spiritual things and academic things going on, too. I have work and friendships and family and volunteering and church. I hope to travel. I hope Sweet P gets a job soon. Life is so multi-faceted, and I don't want to write a book here. The issue at hand is that the jeans that were baggy 6 months ago are not baggy anymore. I need to fix that and I'm the only one who can fix that. And I finally feel strong enough and motivated enough to take care of this problem. I'm finding focus, and I'm back on track.